So much of what we see about weddings in bookstores emphasizes either "how to get through this while retaining your sanity," or "what's the latest fad that you absolutely have to follow." We don't think that weddings should be approached from either of those aspects. In fact, we think both are blatantly wrong.
First, we think a wedding should be a labor of love - LOVE is the reason you're getting married, isn't it? Yes, in many weddings there's a lot to do - but aren't you doing it because you want to? Yes, wedding planning can be hectic - but the operative word can be "planning", not "hectic", if you want it to be. Weddings can cost a lot or take a lot of time and energy, but they shouldn't unless THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.
What we especially like about "A Bride's Touch" by Sara L. Ambarian is that the author doesn't tell you what to do: she shows you how to do what YOU WANT TO DO. The book is packed with concepts, ideas, and instruction, but she leaves it to you to decide what your ultimate goal is to be. She presents the information to you so you can have what you desire, not so she can appear as the Great Wedding Guru.
Obviously, there's a whole lot more to marriage than the wedding. Still, the wedding is the logical place to get the rest of your life off to the right start. It's your life, and a good way to start off this phase of it is to take charge and reflect your own personality in what occurs on your [we hope] one and only wedding day. This book helps you come to terms with yourself about what your "dream wedding" should be.
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About the Author
Sara L. Ambarian graduated with honors in fashion design from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles. She has professional experience with alterations and tuxedo rentals, as well as the retail sale of bridal gowns and accessories, crafts and silk flowers. She specializes in custom bridal and floral design, and is also a published illustrator. She lives in southern California with her husband and two sons. We interviewed her in March 1999, to get her insights into what she felt was particularly special and important about "A Bride's Touch."
SYMBIOS: What inspired you to write "A Bride's Touch?"
AMBARIAN: Well, as I wrote in the book, I love weddings! I think that they are exciting and inspirational, and I have been fortunate to advise and design for some really remarkable, creative, "love-charged" brides. On the other hand, many brides I have worked with (even very organized and confident women) seem overwhelmed by their wedding plans. Many others "jump in with both feet", then later realize that their selections don't really compliment each other, or that there were other options they didn't know about. With all the time, effort, money, hopes and dreams most brides invest in their weddings, I think that's sad.
S: But with so many bridal books already on the market, why did you think that this book would make a difference when others have not?
A: Because I have a different philosophy and focus. When you are pinning a woman into her gown, measuring her hem, or fitting her headpiece and veil, you get to know a lot about her dreams, concerns, and problems. I had always said to myself that "someday" I should write a book which would give brides the information and comfort I was giving over the pin-cushion or the drafting table - an "everything you need to know about planning a successful and memorable wedding but didn't know what you needed to ask" book.
S: What do you mean by that?
A: Once I was conferring with a bride about
the headpiece and silk flower arrangements we were designing.
I tend to ask a lot of questions to help me "tune in"
to the bride's vision, and after one question, this bride just
looked at me blankly and asked, "You mean I have a choice?"
You see, many brides don't realize all the options they have,
all of the small (and large) ways they can create harmony and
express themselves.
But to return to your original question, I actually decided to
get the typewriter out after my sister-in-law told me about a
wedding she was a bridesmaid in. I don't recall the specific problems--confusion
over color names and dye lots, as well as sizes and payment, I
believe. Anyway, the wedding actually went fine, but the bride
experienced many common and preventable mistakes and misunderstandings
which I see and hear about again and again. Not earth-shattering
problems, just unnecessarily confusing and frustrating.
I thought and thought about that bride, and some others who were marrying at the same time, and I decided there was no reason to wait until "someday" when I already had plenty of important information to share--some that could have helped that bride and which she had not received from any other source. And beyond that, with all of the unforeseeable complications of wedding planning, I consider it part of a bridal professional's job to help bride's avoid as many of the predictable problems as possible.
S: So was that your goal for this book, to help brides avoid predictable problems?
A: To a great extent, yes. As I said, brides
often don't "know the ropes", they don't realize their
many options, or the procedures and limitations of bridal services.
But "A Bride's Touch" isn't only a "troubleshooting
guide". Unlike most sources of bridal information (both in
person and in print), which focus heavily on the current popularity
of certain products and services, and usually address only one
wedding concern at a time (attire, flowers, food, etc.), "A
Bride's Touch" is a complete source for brides.
Brides need someone who can inform them about common pitfalls; but they also often need someone who can inspire them about uncommon opportunities. Many brides have a wonderful, unique wedding vision inside them, but not every bride is naturally able to "tap into" that vision. The approach and philosophy I suggest is not about "Sara Ambarian, the Wedding Gown Guru"--not at all! My message (and my purpose in all wedding projects) is to celebrate the unique magic, personality, tastes and ideas of each individual bride.
S: Speaking of personality, one of the larger chapters in the book is called "Determining Your Wedding Personality". When you speak of "wedding personality", do you mean "mood"?
A: Yes. Mood (or "atmosphere") is a big part of what I mean by wedding personality. It is certainly what many of your guests will focus on to describe and remember the event, and choosing very specific mood words is one of the first activities I suggest for couples. But mood is combined with other factors such as color, attire styles, motifs, textures and details to create the harmony and continuity which I think are essential to a really strong wedding personality.
S: Why are harmony and continuity so important?
A: Because the most memorable weddings are
usually the most focused, the most coordinated. The only thing
that has a stronger impact in making a wedding memorable than
good continuity is deep devotion between the bride and groom.
But that's another subject entirely! [Laughs.] Creating continuity,
that's pretty basic--easy, really--if you approach your planning
with that mind-set. Let me explain.
In the bridal industry, most things are
beautiful. It's the rule, not the exception. Obviously, everyone's
idea of "beautiful" varies, but even for any given woman's
tastes, there are a lot of beautiful options available. So a bride
needs a more specific plan than "I want to look breathtaking"
or "I want gorgeous flowers", although even those descriptions
give some idea of what she wants.
That is why I developed the Four-Step Approach. It helps a bride take her ideas, and analyze and refine them into very specific goals. Once these goals are determined, they become the standard by which all her wedding decisions are made. "Will this gown, invitation, flower arrangement, location, music selection, party favor, etc., enhance the wedding personality I am trying to create."
S: It seems like having steps and structures would make planning more complicated.
A: Not at all. The basis of my philosophy is to simplify decision-making. When a bride is confronted with five different choices which are all equally beautiful, focused goals and a carefully-developed budget will help her to concentrate on those which are most appropriate and harmonious. If a certain option does not help to create the impression she is planning, perhaps another choice would. Or, if she is just crazy about a very influential option (gown or location, for example) which doesn't fit her goals, she might even alter her goals slightly. If an option does not fit her budget, she can either discard the idea, or try to re-distribute the budget--keeping in mind her desired wedding personality.
S: Was there a special reason you used so many examples?
A: I think that the examples are very important in illustrating the points I make in the book. Because I am telling brides to consider their plans in a certain way, rather than to make particular choices I recommend, the text is mostly general and suggestive, not rigid and specific. The examples--from actual weddings and for theoretical situations--give me an opportunity to show how the general considerations and strategies might be used in an actual wedding. But they aren't suggestions, although they contain good ideas. Just like when I list examples of wedding motifs, for instance. I am not telling brides to choose between roses, cherubs, hearts, or bows. I present a wide variety of examples so brides will stretch in their thinking and hopefully come up with an idea which will work great for them.
S: The month-by-month countdown or timeline is an integral part of most bridal magazines and planners. You don't use them; in fact, you are fairly critical of their usefulness.
A: I am. I think it's important to encourage brides to "get going" on their plans and not procrastinate--and to inform them of order and reservation times they may not be familiar with. Unfortunately, no timeline or countdown can take into account the widely varied circumstances of different brides.
A more useful and practical way for brides to make their plans is by prioritizing based on their entire wedding plan. That way, the answer to the question, "When do I start pursuing my plans?" is always the same. Brides need to start serious planning as soon as possible. And the answer to the question, "What do I do first?" is always the same. They need to concentrate first on whatever is most important to them--a certain gown, location, photographer, or whatever--and then work down their priorities from there. If they find that they cannot get their first choice in the time available before their planned date, they can decide whether they will delay the wedding date, adjust their priorities or change their plans.
S: Your book has over 75 pages of appendix. The worksheets are much like other wedding planners, and I can see the need for glossaries because of the unusual subject matter. But what is the point of first three sections?
A: All three sections are included basically
to give the reader more ideas and examples to work with. The Sample
Weddings section describes the full stories of two successful
and memorable weddings. I selected these weddings because they
really illustrate how the concepts of the book can be put to work.
Also, I thought that these couples' weddings really suited their
personalities and feelings about getting married.
I got the idea for Real Brides' Advice after
I sent out satisfaction surveys to some of the brides I had worked
with. Their answers were so interesting, heartfelt, and informative
that I felt they would benefit any bride who read them. Sort of
like expanding your network of sisterly or friendly advice. So
I circulated more surveys to other brides, and their thoughtful
responses are Real Brides' Advice. Some of the comments contradict
the text of "A Bride's Touch," but I included them anyway.
Everyone has their own way of doing things and their own perspective
about the results. By including all of the opinions I received,
I allow the reader to draw their own conclusions--and I hope,
to really relate to the opinions of a few individual brides whose
ideas parallel their own.
Gown Fitting, Preparation and Construction contains advanced techniques for brides who will sew very elaborate gowns or will make complex design changes to their patterns. Very beautiful and distinctive gowns can be made using commercial patterns without complicated changes, because of a bride's choices of fabric and decoration. Ideas for personalizing a pattern without major changes are included in Chapter 8--Designing and Sewing Your Gown. But I remember the first gown I made, and the things I had to consider regarding techniques, order of construction, etc., so I wanted to include alternate information on these subjects. I put it in the Appendix because it is advanced and intended only for confident seamstresses.
S: Other bridal sewing books emphasize how easy it is to sew a wedding gown using their techniques, but you seem to almost discourage "do-it-yourself" wedding gowns. Why is that?
A: I wouldn't say I discourage brides from
home-sewing their gowns. But the main purpose of "A Bride's
Touch" is to make weddings more rewarding and less stressful...and
believe me, sewing a wedding gown can be stressful!! It isn't
necessarily a hard project, depending on the style and ornamentation,
but it can get complicated, even if you're making an "easy"
gown. And face it, who needs extra complications in their engagements.
So I think it is realistic and responsible to caution brides before
they get elbow deep in this complex and time-consuming project.
I devote an entire chapter to the pro's and con's of each gown
source to help brides decide which will be most appropriate for
them, because like all wedding subjects, brides must carefully
consider their specific needs, desires and circumstances before
deciding how and where they should get their gowns.
S: Both Chapter 8 and Appendix III are very extensive, and you include many other instructions and ideas for sewing and craft projects. Yet in the introduction, you say this "isn't a sewing book".
A: That's true; it isn't. "A Bride's
Touch" covers basic wedding subjects in a way which can be
used by brides no matter what their budget, tastes, or plans--and
whether they will depend on the services of professionals, or
will complete many preparations themselves.
However, since I am encouraging brides to follow their own inspirations
rather than the current trends, I realize they may not find just
what they want waiting for them at their local bridal boutique.
When brides get really creative and inspired in their plans, they
often end up doing many things themselves (the old, "If you
want something done right,..." principle, perhaps). I love
to see brides and their families incorporate their time and talents
into their wedding. Items which are home-sewn, -crafted, or -cooked
add special sentiment and style, and a personal touch. Also, they
often reflect the bride's wedding personality more clearly than
purchased or even professionally-made items.
Another important reason to include do-it-yourself information is that some brides have limited resources due to budget or accessibility. In these situations, they can sometimes make what they cannot buy, so I suggest projects and address their creative considerations to make their work progress more smoothly.
S: In closing, what would you like to say to the brides who are reading this?
A: Just this. Your wedding can be fun and
memorable. You can make it close to your dream. It may not be
perfect--most weddings are far from it. But I truly believe that
most wedding dreams can come true--when brides have a steady focus
and a can-do, innovative attitude.
Decide what you and your fiancé really want. Then, don't be a dictator, but don't be a marshmallow, either. Don't try to create someone else's dream wedding. Spend less time worrying about what you can't find or can't afford, and give a good, open-minded look at the options you do have. Try to keep your wedding in perspective. Controversy, stress and/or financial problems from weddings often get out of hand, but they don't have to. A wedding is a celebration of love and the beginning of a new life. Don't let that idea get lost in the expectations and goals for the day. And last, and most important, try to savor and remember every minute! There will never be another time in your life like this.